Finding Mr. Right: The British Encounter

I recently declared that I was going on a hunt for my Mr. Right in one of my articles “No more snow white”. It was a harsh decision and a lot of people told me it was just desperation setting in, but no matter what, I was determined to make his job of finding me easier; by meeting him half way. Fortunately and unfortunately, no journey can be complete without one or two slip ups.

 As I paved my way through men who only wanted one night stands and forged through those that had me in the past but lost me due to their stupidity, I was running low the will to go on, when I found a perfect candidate. His name was Idunnu and he was just what i was looking for.

 He was a flight attendant, born and bred in London and had a British accent (which was what hooked me being an Idris Elba fanatic). We immediately hit it off. We had dates in the park, kissed under the rain and he would occasionally send me the most romantic voice notes during the day; the way he pronounced each word made them sound even more romantic and I was getting very confident that my search was over.

I had just started to dream about a beautiful wedding ceremony in London town when disaster struck! He was travelling back to London. His mother had unfortunately fallen ill and demanded his presence at home; sadly we had just two nights to spend together. Life sure has a way of pulling the rug from under your feet when you think things are starting to make sense; but irrespective of that, I was determined to make our last night together one he would never forget.

 That evening, we had a romantic walk and dinner at a posh restaurant; my treat, and after a few glasses of wine, I decided we should make the night last.

 We went back to his room at a hotel and for the life of me, we made it last indeed. Before we knew it the night had come to an end and just like that it was time for me to leave.

He walked me outside the room and we were sharing our last passionate kiss, when from a distance I heard…

“Fejiro! Fejiro! Hehe again! Fejiro again?!! The last one no put sense for your head abi?! So you have brought another one here again?! This pikin you no go kill me, you no go kill me!” a short elderly woman was yelling from the end of the corridor while storming down towards us.

 “Madam what’s the problem” I stopped her, defending Idunnu from her waving hands. This is not Fejiro, you have the wrong person. His name is Idunnu.   “Idu-what?!! Ah! You don enter am! he said his name is Idunnu? What else did he tell you? That he is a London boy abi? That his mother is sick and needs him to come home quickly". she said wiggling her fingers.

You no even get sense to change your story". she poked his head.

"This is what he has been doing to other girls oh!” she yelled pointing at him “You are the fifth woman he is bringing to this place oh! na me be him mama! and na we dey clean this hotel oh!”

 What?! a Cleaner? The shock was too much, I turned to Idunnu and grabbed his shirt “baby, tell me she is lying” and as he looked at me I could see my wonderful Idunnu, who brought be so much laughter and joy, fade into Fejiro; the scam artist who had successfully gotten into my pants. I squeezed his shirt tighter.

  “Wetin? He bellowed, trying to remove my hands from his shirt. Pesin no fit set P with you again? You no fit love cleaner? See, look here, I dey sing oh. Forget that thing, i dey sing well well, I go soon blow pass wizkid oh! No go miss your star oh, follow me now oh!


What nonesense! He wasn't even remorseful; no shame at all. Anyway why would he be sad, he got me into bed after all. I started to think, how do i deal with this man and teach him a lesson.

 As I raised my hand to slap the fake British accent from his mouth, I realized all our yelling had gotten us an audience and now a very hard decision now had to be made here;

Stay and fight for whatever is left of my dignity or make a bolt for the nearest exit?